Stage 1: Kissing/Light Petting

What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww!"


Stage 2: Undressing

What he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"


Stage 3: Foreplay/Oral Sex

What he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship at the altar of your impressive manhood for hours."

What he's afraid you're thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he cums, I'm going to kill him."


Stage 4: Penetration

What he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in half!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "Is it in yet?"


Stage 5: Your Orgasm

What he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!"

What he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award for this performance."

What he's even more afraid you're thinking: "Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!"


Stage 6: Postcoital Bliss

What he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels like."

What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after all."