Man's Sex Life
When the Creator was making the world and all its inhabitants, he called man aside. "I'm bestowing upon you," the Creator said, "twenty years of active sex life."
Man was dismayed. "Only twenty years?" he protested. "Great One, that isn't enough. Can't you add a few more years?" But the Creator shook his head. It was twenty years or nothing, so man glumly sat down.
The monkey was called forth. He was offered twenty years of active sex life too. But, the monkey suggested humbly that ten years would be quite enough, since he seldom lived longer than that anyway.
Immediately the man leaped up. "Can I have your extra ten years?" he cried excitedly. "Of course," said the monkey graciously.
The lion was then called forth and the Creator made the same offer. Twenty years of active sex life. The lion gravely shook his mane. "Mighty One," he roared, "I'm a monogamous animal: therefore, ten years will be enough for me."
Again, the man stood up. "Can I have the lion's share also?" he asked eagerly. Both the lion and the Creator agreed, and the man sat down elated.
The donkey was then called up, but when the Creator offered him twenty years, he balked. "Sire," he brayed, "I want to reserve some time for eating sweet clover. Ten years is ample time for me."
Not Too Bad
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing. When he gets up to the 16th hole, he tees up and really cranks one. Unfortunately he slices the ball into the woods on the side of the fairway. While in the woods looking for his ball, the guy comes across this little guy lying flat on his back with a huge knot on his head and a golf ball lying right beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun and I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that any man would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a good golf game, and a great sex life."
Well, a year goes by and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up, hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds his ball, he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
"I'm fine," the leprechaun answers,”and might I ask how your golf game is?"
"It's great! I'm under par every time I play," Answers the man.
"I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?" asks the leprechaun.
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket I pull out a hundred dollar bill."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you, too. And might I ask how is your sex life?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Not bad, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Only once or twice a week?"
"Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
The Dean of Women was introducing the newcomers to the college and thought fit to touch the subject of sex morality:
"In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
At the end of the lecture she asked if there were any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said:
"Could you tell us how you make it last one hour?"...