10 cents
A man had a big dance comming up but the problem was he didn't know how to dance. So he went to a dance studio. The instructor told him to pretend that there is a 10 cent piece on his right shoulder and that he must try to touch the coin with his earlobe in time to the music. So the guy went home and practiced this all week long.

The next week the instructor told him to do the same thing with his left shoulder.

The next lesson he was told to pretend that there was a 50 cent piece on his penis and he had to flip it into the air and catch it again.

The week before the dance he had his last lesson. This time the instructor told him to pretend to bounce a $1 coin on his butt.

The night of the dance came and he met a girl. They danced and danced and the whole time he was saying, "10 cents, 10 cents, 50 cents, a dollar." The girl was so impressed she asked the man to make love to her the same way that he danced.

So they got back to her house and went for it. "10 cents, 10 cents, 50 cents, a dollar. 10 cents, 10 cents... oh fuck it, a dollar seventy, a dollar seventy, a dollar seventy..."


15-incher
There was this guy who went to the doctor and said, "Doc, I have this bad stuttering problem, because of this, I can't get no women and so I can't get no pussy." (saying every word in a stuttering mode)

So the doctor checks him and finds the cause of his stuttering. He says, "Your penis is at least 15 inches and it's so heavy that it's pulling on the muscles of your tongue. That's the cause of your stuttering."

So the studdering man arranges surgery, having the doctor cut 12 inches off.

After the surgery, the man returns to the hospital to tell the doctor of all his luck with the women. But, there was just one draw back.

"Doc, the surgery was a success with my new voice, I get all the women, but I have a problem with the way my sex performance goes. My penis is so small I can't satisfy anyone.

"Can I have at least 5 more inches added to my dick?"

...And the doctor replies....

..." F-fff -uu -ccck   Yoo-uuuuu..(said in a stuttering way) 


2 Can Play It That Way
Mr. Harris had a new secretary who was such a pretty young thing and so eager to please that he decided to "work late" and to take her to dinner tonight. So he called up his wife to tell her he would be late and she replied, "No problem."

So Mr. Harris treated his secretary to dinner at a fancy restaurant where they had one drink too many. After dinner with her, it was obvious that Mr. Harris would get lucky tonight when the girl asked him to take her home. When they got to the secretary's home, they did the wild thing for over two hours. When it was over, Mr. Harris went to the bathroom to freshen up and get ready to go home. Looking into the mirror, he noticed that he had a huge hickey on his neck. He had no idea what he was going to tell his wife and fell into a state of panic but he had no choice but to go home and face the  music as it was getting quite late.

Putting his key into the lock, he heard his dog come barking and scratching at the door. He thought, "Aha! I got an idea." He entered the house, fell on the carpet and pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.

Holding his neck in one hand, he walked into the bedroom and exclaimed, "Honey! Look what the dog did to my neck!"

Mrs. Harris looked up, ripped open her bathrobe and said, "That's nothing. Look what he did to my tits!"