4 Bells
Fireman comes home from work talking about the new system they have a work.
1 Bell, put on their clothes,
2 Bells, slide down the pole,
3 Bells, Jump on the truck and ride to the Fire.
The wife says, "That sounds good, why don't we set up something at home?" They do.
The next day he comes home and decides to try the system.
1 Bell, they jump out of their clothes,
2 Bells, they jump in the bed,
3 Bells, they make love.
All goes well until the wife screams, "4 BELLS!"
The fireman asked, "What is 4 Bells?" and she replies,
"MORE HOSE!!!"
50th Wedding Anniversary
A couple goes back to their original honeymoon hotel for a celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary.
After all the family festivities they retire to the original room they stayed in on their honeymoon night 50 years prior.
The woman is done with her bathroom antics and her husband takes her place for his turn to get ready.
The elderly man takes quite awhile in the bathroom, as is his norm, and his wife spends the time figuring out the best way to look the most seductive when he comes back out of the bathroom.
She tries on several nighties, some pajamas, sexy undies, and a nice teddy with lace trim. Finally she decides that naked and ready would be the best bet, so she lies back on the bed and aims her lower torso towards the bathroom door. As soon as the door to the bathroom opens she raises her legs in the air and spreads them.
Her husband steps into the room, takes one look at his wife and immediately bursts into racking sobs.
"Aw, honey. What's wrong? Do you love me so much it brings you to tears?" she asks.
"No," he sobs, "Fifty years ago I couldn't wait to eat that. Now it looks like it wants to eat me!"
A Change of Heart
Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart.
"I suppose you're going to tell me now that you're waiting for 'Mr. Right'," he said dejectedly.
"That's a silly old romantic notion," laughed the coed. "I'm just waiting for Mr. Big."
A child of variety
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies.
"OK, do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached; I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth, the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that your baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that your baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see, I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, so what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a Chinese man also in the movie; I really had no choice."
At this, the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately gives her baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl, extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."
