This doesn't quite qualify as a Darwin Award, but it comes pretty close...
PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and
prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly -- and suffocated the keeper under
200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil
enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik
Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those
freak accidents that happen sometimes -- a billion-to-one shot, at least."
The heartbreaking tale of constipation and tragedy began April 23 when the conscientious
zookeeper noticed that his prize, 8,000-pound African elephant didn't seem to be producing
his usual poop aplenty.
"Friedrich had actually been concerned for several days because he knew that severe
constipation can kill an elephant," assistant zookeeper Kurt Herrman recalled. "He told me
he was going to stay late that Thursday night to treat Stefan with laxatives and possibly give
him an enema. I offered to help, but he sent me on home, saying he had everything under
control."
But two hours later, horrified night watchman Walter Pleuger found Friedrich lying lifeless
under a mound of muck, his body visible only from the knees down. "I had never really
thought about it before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can
be a very dangerous activity -- and not something that should be attempted alone."
Shrugging, he continued, "Well, at least the elephant feels better."
