So, you've followed all the advice, got the girl, held onto her, and are bang in the middle of a real relationship. Everything seems perfect -- that is, until her maternal instincts kick in.

To most women a long-term relationship isn't perfect until the acquisition of one thing: children. Sooner or later, you're going to have to deal with a girl who wants you "two" to become a "three." And if you're not ready for the sleepless nights, financial drain and the million other associated stresses, you're going to have to do some pretty fast talking to avoid it.

It's going to take a lot of effort to hold back the ticktock of her biological clock. Less imaginative types might consider slipping birth control in her tea or just buying her a dog until she gets over it. But if you’re hoping to avoid criminal charges relating to the involuntary ingestion of drugs or the hassle of covering your apartment in old newspapers, here are some more diplomatic ideas that should knock the idea of having children out of her head -- for the short term, at least.

Delaying for the benefit of the child
To avoid coming across as a complete pig, invoke the best interests of the child. Point out how much time, money and energy it takes to raise a child, and then compare this with what you have now (even if you have to do a little creative accounting). By giving her this reasoning, you're telling her that you want a kid with her, but only when everything is right.

And don’t stop there, paint the perfect picture. Tell her how you always imagined giving your kid the perfect childhood. Create a child that's going to grow up in a massive house with plenty of pets, getting everything he or she wants for Christmas and who has parents who can make it to every single ball game or Girl Scouts meeting.

If she comes back and says you can afford to have a child, you still have hope. Just add a brother or sister to your argument. Sure, you can afford one kid, but what's the point of having an only child? Convince her that by delaying a little -- just a little -- you will go on to have the perfect family.

You want to focus your time and energy on her
Upon its entry into the world, a child immediately becomes the focus of your life. That means no time for bar-hopping with the guys, watching a game or impromptu road trips to Vegas to blow the salary. But, of course, you can't tell your girl that this is what you'll miss.

Instead, convince her that you want a bit longer to focus on her. Yeah, you want children one day... but you want to be a little selfish right now and concentrate on her.

You're going to have to back this up. Take her out to dinner, buy her gifts for no reason, whisk her away for the weekend -- become that romantic dreamboat she's always pushing you to be. And, hey, as well as buying yourself a few extra years, you could even earn valuable brownie points with her.

You both have so much to experience
Once you have the kid, that's it, everything else is on hold. For the next 18 years or so, everything revolves around your little darling. Tell her you're ready for this, really, but the two of you have things to do first.

That round-the-world trip won't be the same when you're both 45. If you don't go to Lollapalooza now, you never will. Even a weekend away skiing can delay a baby by valuable months.

Make sure that you suggest adventures she's always dreamed of and can only be done without a child trailing along. A whitewater rafting holiday is good; a weekend making a quilt of your family history is bad.

Wait for a milestone
As well as waiting to fulfill dreams and plans, use concrete, practical milestones to delay her biological clock. If you're still in college, point out how it would be wise to wait until your education is sorted out before taking such a huge step. And if college was finished years ago, then hey, did you ever consider a postgrad course?

Waiting for that big promotion at work is also good. You'll be too busy focusing on the office to have any energy for making and raising a new life. This can be sold by highlighting that once the promotion is in the bag, the extra money will be very useful.

Give her a taste of reality
A little bundle of joy is one thing, the reality of a screaming, vomiting brat is another. Chances are your girl has seen kids at their sweetest and best, and never had to deal with the monsters that cause many parents to suffer nervous breakdowns. Don’t worry, this is easily remedied.

Everyone knows problem children: the nephews you never invite over during the holidays or the kids that terrorize the neighborhood. Offer to babysit these monsters for the weekend. By the end of it, she'll never want to look at another kid. Especially if you keep them full of sugar and bouncing off the walls while you find other jobs to do.