Nothing can dishonor a knight like divorce. Just look at Sir Paul McCartney, a man whose iconic name has been flung in the mud over his recent marital collapse, with accusations of abuse sullying his reputation. He was fooled by the honeymoon phase and now he can really say, "Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away." But hey, he's not the only one. It's no wonder chivalry is dead.

Seven out of 10 divorces are initiated by women. While there are no hard statistics, wouldn't you agree that maybe nine out of 10 marriage proposals are also initiated by women? A study done by two blokes name Kuhn and Guidubaldi found that a "gender bias" in the court system makes divorce an inviting idea to the ladies. Why wouldn't it? Women tend to keep the kids, the house, the dog, the car, and half the property. They get to keep the rock, too. This suggests that not only are men getting screwed by the marketing of the De Beers diamond corporation during the engagement, but the actual judicial system is also stacked against guys during the divorce.

Everyone suffers during a divorce, but men have a few special issues to deal with, including fallout from emotional investment, lame-duck custody battles, clashes over property, tarnished reputations, and the depressing aftermath. Marriage is not a bad thing, but divorce is like a 10-car pileup in the middle of a man's life. Here are some of the great life experiences newly divorced men have to look forward to.

Betrayal
Obviously, women don't set out to be gold diggers, but divorce -- like death -- can turn otherwise good people into bloodthirsty wolves. Perhaps a few sharks go into marriage thinking of money, but for most women, marriage only becomes a business investment once it has failed emotionally.

At first, love is honest, and it comes easy when a man only has his dreams. By the time he owns a German automobile, the thrill is gone. Perhaps she's laying the landscaper like sod when she has her epiphany: "I could make a lot of money from this sucker. And I deserve it." In hindsight, taking initiative and working hard -- let's say you wrote a ditty called "Hey Jude" that did quite well -- was a mistake. Motivation is like an open sore that invites mosquitoes through the window and into the bedroom.

In some ways, her feeling of entitlement is a result of propaganda, starting with fantasies that promise an emotionally perfect life. Alas, reality cannot live up to cartoons. Women are trained to find a man with motivation from the beginning, starting with Disney classics like Cinderella (poor rag lures wealth under false pretences), Lady and the Tramp (uppity b*tch-hound hopes to make over motivated mutt) and Sleeping Beauty (catatonic do-nothing wakes up to unearned riches). Thank you very much, Walt.

Custody
The term for fathers who are shouldered out of their kids' lives is "throwaway dads." A century ago, kids were considered the father's property, but the historical shift in child-custody cases has turned Dad into a villain. According to Divorce-Lawyer-Source.com, 70% of divorces involving children result in the mother getting custody. Read that again: seven out of 10. If the odds in Vegas were as good as a woman's odds in court, men could quit their jobs and enjoy a never-ending bender at the Mirage casino.

This "throwaway" idea impacts the kids and society. It leads to an increasing number of single-parent households, and if you've ever watched the TV show Cops, you've seen how it also leads to plenty of wasted government resources when Mother calls in the uniformed men to tell “Junior” to stop sassing her. Since when did the police become daddy to the masses? The answer: Since daddy lost his shirt in court.

The house
Common sense states that the one who made the payments should get the house and car. But this is the 21st century, and common sense has joined the likes of Zeus and Bigfoot as a lovable myth of the past. Sentimental value and emotional attachment have more sway with the judge than a mere 20 years of mortgage payments. Open up Excel, and check to see if Microsoft has programmed a wizard for "sentiment and emotion." It can't be calculated. Therefore, overreacting in court and going into histrionics akin to the ending of Hamlet is the best way to plead. Literally, the best supplication wins the heart of the biased black robe.

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