Fellas, the "Monday Morning Couch Potatoes" feel your pain. We understand that sometimes in life, you have to make sacrifices. We've all been there before. Spent Saturday night watching The Ultimate Gift with the lady instead of at the bar with the boys? Picked the kids up from the dance recital instead of watching the big game? It's OK. It happens. That's where we come in.

At the start of every week, the "Monday Morning Couch Potatoes" (Peter Schrager and Adam Weinberg) will fill you in on the important things you missed while trying to pretend like you really care about all the other stuff in your life. Each Monday, you will wake up with an up-to-date summary of all the vital (and worthless) things you might have missed in the past week of sports and entertainment.

These are the six stories that sparked our interest the most during the past week of sports, pop culture and entertainment. This article, and every one of its biweekly successors, will serve as a "cheat sheet" for the various conversations you will have with coworkers and friends over the upcoming week.

So get educated, then hit up the water cooler for some conversation with the boys from accounts receivable.

Water Cooler Topic #1
Bloody nose on the court
An already heated college basketball rivalry received a boost late last week when North Carolina’s superstar sophomore Tyler Hansbrough was flagrantly elbowed in the nose by Duke’s Gerald Henderson. The vicious strike to the face came during a rebound attempt with 14.5 seconds left in an 86-72 Tar Heels win that saw UNC starters play through to the game’s conclusion. Henderson received a one game suspension from the NCAA.

Adam’s take: As if anybody needed another reason to dislike Duke Basketball. Much like MTV’s Yo Mamma or Vegemite, Duke Basketball is an acquired taste that is usually only tolerated by a select few. If you aren’t part of this group, it can be mind boggling to grasp. It seems crazy to me that anybody can use their fingers to eat a sticky substance that tastes like dirt or root for a team that is led by Greg Paulus.

Pete’s take: Here is a game that featured one of the richest rivalries in sports, where one of the game’s best players had his nose broken, where a brawl nearly broke out, and still Billy Packer had the audacity to steal the show? Yep, Packer’s ardent pro-Duke stance as the game’s color commentator during the incident was both criticized and ridiculed on blog sites everywhere. Coach K apologist? Maybe. Egomaniac who likes making himself the story whenever possible? More likely.

Water Cooler Topic #2
$80 million reasons to move to the Bay
The San Francisco 49ers signed former Buffalo Bills cornerback Nate Clements to a staggering 10-year, $80 million contract in early March. The contract will make Clements -- who in his seven NFL seasons has never made the playoffs -- the highest-paid defensive back in NFL history.

Adam’s take: If Nate Clements thinks covering NFL wide receivers is a challenge, just wait till he tries to live up to the pressure that comes along with an $80 million contract. The 49ers’ fan base is starving for a winner, and that is going to fall squarely on the shoulders of Clements. Unfortunately, his job is made just that much more difficult since he plays with Alex Smith instead of against him.

Pete’s take: What did Darrell Green think when he read that Nate Clements -- an above average cornerback -- signed an $80 million contract? Did he just nod his head and continue on with his day? These free agent contracts have really gotten out of hand. Eric Steinbach signed a $49.5 million deal, Ahman Green got $23 million, and a guy named Ovie Mughelli got $18 million from the Falcons. Try finding a kid in America with that replica jersey; you’ve got a better chance finding an exotic dancer sporting a Pacman Jones shirt.

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