Water Cooler Topic #3
Beckham blows out his knee
With his Los Angeles Galaxy debut looming in the near future, international superstar David Beckham suffered an untimely injury on March 4th. While playing for Real Madrid, Beckham hurt a ligament in his knee during a 1-1 tie with Getafe. Although he has been benched for six weeks, there is no word on how serious the injury may be. The 31-year-old midfielder signed a five-year, $250 million deal with the Galaxy in January, and expects to join the team this summer.

Adam’s take: I always expect a soccer player to get up from any injury during a game, usually because they are diving. So, it was truly shocking to learn that Beckham was really hurt after he limped off the pitch. For the dozen Galaxy fans out there, there’s a silver lining to this unfortunate news -- even with a gimp knee, Beckham should still be the best player in the MLS.

Pete’s take: Why is this even news? It’s just another story about an over-the-hill athlete getting hurt. This isn’t the Beckham we grew to love and cherish: The guy with a Mohawk who epitomized everything that was great about the late ‘90s -- pop-star girlfriend, a lavish lifestyle and a nasty banana kick from the corner. This version of Beckham is old news. Put him in the Hollywood scene all you want and give him a reality show too; I’ll take Steven Gerrard, John Arne Riise and Peter Crouch on the FOX Soccer Channel -- actually playing soccer -- any day of the week.

Water Cooler Topic #4
Manning to bomb on SNL
Peyton Manning will host Saturday Night Live on March 24th. He has already won an MVP award, a Super Bowl ring and a Super Bowl MVP, so hosting SNL may be the last possible accolade for the All-Pro’s resume.

Adam’s take: Call up the prop department; we need a fake mustache ASAP. When I think of Peyton Manning, the first thing that comes to mind is sketch comedy; just like when I think of his brother Eli, I think of a short bus. Manning can really just go on Saturday Night Live and be totally loose, because as dull as SNL is these days, it can’t possibly be more annoying than Peyton’s numerous national TV commercials.

Pete’s take: I’d love a Peyton, Eli, Cooper, and Archie “Da Colts” skit. You know, four Mannings sitting in a bar, eating bratwurst, talking about the Super Bowl champions. Eli will ask, “Who wins in a game, the Colts or the Giants?” Then they all pause, and Eli mutters, “Da Colts.” Lots of laughs. Can we get Marvin Harrison in there for a skit too? He’ll play the role of the mute NFL wide receiver with a mustache. Oh, that has sitcom spin-off written all over it.

Water cooler Topic #5
Dwyane Wade back for the playoffs
Dwyane Wade suffered what was thought to be a season-ending injury in February in a game against the Rockets. Though he was carried off on a stretcher and written off for the rest of the year, Wade announced on Tuesday that he’ll most likely return for the playoffs. Shaquille O’Neal and Alonzo Mourning -- the first two picks in the 1992 NBA Draft -- will try to lead the Heat back to the championships in their 15th season in the league.

Adam’s take: Pat Riley takes a “leave of absence” from coaching the Miami Heat, and coincidently times his return to the bench just as the team is hitting its stride, and he’s ready to reap all the benefits. However, in his first game back, karma rears its ugly head as Dwyane Wade dislocates his shoulder and shreds his labrum. Then a week later, three-point specialist Jason Kapono sprains his ankle, and misses time as well. The big question now is not if this Heat can win behind an aging Shaq, but what creative excuse will Riley think of to get off this sinking ship. Too bad for him that the “dog ate my clipboard” routine probably won’t fly here.

Pete’s take: Scrap this Heat team and just give me a squad of dudes taken in the ’92 draft. It’ll be like that Wild Hogs movie... if 15-year veterans were considered, well, wild hogs. Throw Shaq, Mourning and Laettner on the frontline, give me Jim Jackson and Latrell Sprewell in the back court, and let’s go to war. Will they win the NBA Championship? Probably not. But it sure beats relying on Chris Quinn and Michael Doleac, who are the worst defending champs ever.

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